Me – Dale, that is. Sometimes called DC, and often referred to on the web as D. Challener Roe.

Jeni – Commonly referred to as “Sweetie” for no good reason. Not that she’s not sweet, I just have no good reason for the nickname. I met Jeni forever ago, on the first day of my last year of high school. I was in love with her from the get go, but things never seemed to work out for the two of us until nearly 17 years later. If you’re wondering why the following descriptions of my step-kids make them all sound like they’re a few dozen marbles short of a full bag, it’s because they are her children.

Claudia – There’s not much sense in putting in ages because they’ll continue to grow and I’ll forget to edit this page. For now let’s just say she’s not quite a teenager, though she sure acts like one. She’s very pretty—too pretty for a step-father’s comfort—lazy beyond all accurate description, and hyper-compassionate.

Gabriel – Gabe is 16 months younger than Claudia. He’s very smart, but won’t work at anything that’s harder than learning a video game. Speaking of video games, he’s got track marks on his arms where he’s tried to take Nintendo intravenously. Gabby’s still trying to find his own personality instead of trying to copy the personality of whoever he’s around.

Lea – 2½ years Gabriel’s junior. If there is a god, and if (s)he does create each person, then Lea is the pile of ego left over when (s)he files off the rough edges of the personilities to make each person well-rounded. Two years ago Jeni told a joke that Lea was related to the devil, because her eyes look odd under black light, just like the demons in a certain movie. So for the last two years we’ve been trying to break her of the habit of introducing herself to adults as the daughter of the devil.

Jacob – 2 years younger than Lea. By far, the smartest of the kids. Smart enough, in fact, to know how to feign incompetence and get his older siblings to do all his chores. Half the time we joke that he’s insane, the other half of the time we don’t make the joke because we’re afraid it might be true.

The Menagerie – It would be tedious to list all the lower-life-forms¹ in our house, as the cast is in constant flux. Suffice it to say we have Barkers (Lula, Jamie & Buddha), Meowers (Samantha, Charlotte, Ollie, Brutus, Adam & Tabitha), a Chirper (R2-D2), a Thumper (Ellie) and a few water-borne inhabitants as well.

¹ I use that term to mean shorter, not lesser—after all, who’s the one who goes to work all day, and who’s the one who stays curled up on the sofa?