I guess I’m an anxious person.

It’s the slow stresses of life that tie my gut in knots. Show me a house on fire, and I’ll clear out the house, the neighbor’s houses, and get started on collecting donations before I even think about it.

But the stuff I can see coming just drives me nuts. Even if I know the best way to handle it, I constantly worry about whether there’s a better way to handle it.

Today is the last day of my contract. Or to put it more bluntly, as of 5:00 pm today, I’ll be unemployed. I’ve never been out of work for very long, but I’ve never had to find a job in a market like this. Everyday I’m very aware of what could happen if I’m unable to find a job quickly. And even if I do, will it be a permanent job, or just another contract. Since moving to Raleigh nearly three years ago, I’ve only been able to find contract work. And as an anxious person, with five people who depend on me, the feast or famine life of a contract worker is nerve-wracking at the best of times.

It’s also health-wracking, as I haven’t had decent health insurance for over three years now.

Jeni explains to me that the hardships that befall our family in the world of my imagination are far down the road, and there are many—many—bridges that have to be crossed along the way. And I know she’s right. At least my head knows. But the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, the knot that never seems to go away, seems to have a mind of its own.